High School, Hormones, and Child Door Locks

It appears to be time for another Nathan update after several years without one. He is now a junior in High School and has had many rich experiences in that academic environment. A word about Nathan at school - He has always had tremendous teachers and aids in all of his classes through the years. They clearly have loved him and have worked very closely with him, adjusting to his significant needs. He has made friends in his classes and still asks about one or two of them whom he hasn't seen in years.

Nathan hitting puberty has been a challenge. He has grown muscle and height. He's about 5'9", is slim as a reed, and doesn't have the tiniest bit of fat on him, even though he consumes as much as you'd expect from any teenage growing boy. The meat on his bones is only muscle, which has caused some issues. In Junior High he figured out that he is bigger than others, including his teacher and aids. When he was confronted a time or two, he used his strength to try to get his way, resulting more than once in a teacher injury and a suspension for Nathan. Those are not fun calls to get as a parent (or to make as a teacher). Let me just say that I believe there is a special place in heaven for teachers of special needs children (or special needs of any age).

Nathan had to switch schools to one much farther away after he attended junior high. The new school has a teacher who is a tall man with a long beard. Due to his stature, Nathan respects him much more than he did previous teachers, and this has worked out much better with significantly fewer incidents. The school is much farther away, however, which means the bus arrives to pick him up earlier and it drops him off at home later too. Nathan, Tara, and I have developed a routine that seems to work, beginning around 5:30AM so he can be washed, dressed, fed, teeth brushed, and prepared for the bus at 6AM. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me appreciate the weekends a lot more (sleeping in past 6 is quite the luxury).

Nathan has had favorite items through the years, which you will recognize by reading past posts. Pencils, stuffed bears/animals, and his latest ones over the past year or so have been books, small blow up balls, and "pop-its" in various shapes and sizes. Nathan loves thin books! However, he doesn't love to read. He collects these thin books (his favorites being the "Let's Read and Find Out Science" series). He doesn't actually open the books. He looks at the covers, front and back, and begs us to get him any new books featured on the back. 

We have provided him with dozens of books over the last couple years as that is the most asked for gift for birthdays, Christmas, etc. We have used books as his reward for getting chores done, being good at school, and being nice at home. It is a special day when he earns a new book. In the last year, he is rarely seen without a handful of his books at school and at church. At home, they are almost always within reach. But before you get the feeling of being grateful for the books, first you should feel sorry for them. He is not gentle with his prized collection. Many have covers ripped off, pages torn out, and warped and wrinkled spines. There's a reason I buy them all at the thrift store second hand. If you can't find any of this type of book in any of the Deseret Industries locations in Utah County, that means I've been there and cleaned them out. I'll be back later to see if any more were donated. :)

Below are Halloween pics - one at our ward party and pumpkin patch (with his books, of course), and the other is his costume for school. A sheriff for 2024.

One significant "win" we had this year came last summer when we took a family vacation with our extended family. Usually Nathan is not very adventurous. He likes to stick to the things he knows and not take risks. This may be, in part, due to his difficulties hearing and seeing. However, on this trip we went boating at Lake Powell and Nathan agreed to go on the ski boat. After watching his cousins get pulled on the inflatable sofa and noticing their delight, he turned to me and asked, "me?" pointing to his younger cousins on the inflatable. We stopped the boat immediately and gave Nathan a chance to join them, not wanting to waste any time before he could change his mind. He hopped aboard and had a blast for a few minutes before he'd had enough. Way to get outside your comfort zone, Nathan! He also let me paddle him around on a kayak while sitting in a small inflatable tube (pics below). That trip combined two of Nathan's favorite things texture-wise: sand and water. He would sit at the edge of the water and play in the sand for hours, picking up sand in his hands, holding it to his face, and letting it slip through his fingers into the water. We had to entice him with food to get out of the water, his hands and feet looking like raisins from the long soak. We will take him boating again!

 

Nathan is able to communicate a little better. His time at school has done wonders for that. He knows his letters and numbers well. He struggles to enunciate and his sentences are still only a few words long at the most, but he understands extremely well. Here's a sample of his communication as he wished me virtual good luck while I attended a job interview.

In 2023 we took a vacation with most of the family, but left Nathan home with his oldest brother/sister-in-law. He struggled being away from both parents for an extended period of time. Near the end of our trip, Nathan decided to go find us. When his brother and sister-in-law were in the back yard, he slipped on his shoes, walked out the front door and went to find us (two states away!). Only minutes had passed before it was discovered that he was missing, but that was enough time for him to get away.

Completing our vacation in California and preparing for the drive back to Utah, we started getting texts from our son and also neighbors telling us that they saw him go "this way or that way". No one kept him in sight, however, and it soon turned into a community rally to find him, multiple people driving around the city looking for our lost boy. Long story short, Nathan was picked up by local law enforcement about a mile away headed out of town. His older brother had just arrived to the police station to make a report when the officer drove up with Nathan in his vehicle. 

If you ever visit our house and wonder why we have child-resistant door knobs on the front and garage doors, wonder no more. One of the abnormalities that comes with Nathan's genetic condition is malformed hands and fingers with large knuckles, making it difficult for him to do some tasks that require the use of fine motor skills with his fingers. While this is usually a negative thing, in the case of child-resistant door handles, it is a blessing. We haven't had an issue with him wandering far since that trip and installation of the child knobs. He has enough strength to just rip them off if he is really motivated, but that's only happened a couple of times for which he was reprimanded. His motivation those times wasn't to get out of the house, but to get at food we keep in the garage pantry. :) 

Nathan is a teenager. Yes, his mental age is still in the single digits, but his body doesn't know that. It is in full teenager mode. It is difficult for any teenager to navigate those emotion-and-hormone-filled years, let alone try it with a mental disability. 

Ninety-nine percent of the time, Nathan is quite docile. However, the one percent of the time can be quite stressful. He can explode on a trigger notice and go into fight and survive mode, becoming a beast with teeth and claws. This, as I mentioned, is rare and doesn't last long (usually only seconds to a minute or two before he calms down), but he can get violent. We have taught all of our other children that if he ever gets in this flash-violent mode to just get out of the way and get me (Dad) if they can. He seems to respond better to me than anyone else, perhaps because I am bigger than he is and have a deeper voice. He has had a few of these episodes at home, some at school, and one at church. It's not a pretty site. We are hopeful that there will be fewer and fewer of these with time until they disappear altogether.

Nathan has a sense of humor. He likes to do things that are silly and he loves to flash his wrinkle-faced smile. He also still enjoys putting things on his head. Here he is with an ice cream bucket for a hat, giving a thumbs up.

 A note to end this post on - Nathan is affectionate and sincere. When he has done wrong, he is quick to say he's sorry (be prepared for him to repeat it a thousand times to make sure you heard him). Though his sentences are short, he uses one phrase more than any other. It is often combined with a hug around the neck as he says "(insert name here), I wuv you!" His siblings and parents get this daily. Actually, our whole family is not the most demonstrative when it comes to sharing feelings, so Nathan is showing us an important example. Thanks, son. I wuv you too!